I recently came across a book titled Give and Take by Adam Grant, published in 2013. The title immediately caught my attention. I have not yet had enough time to read the book in detail, but its subtitle, A Revolutionary Approach to Success, also interested me. It suggests that giving is not simply something we do after receiving. Sometimes, giving first can become a pathway to something greater.
At first, this sounds somewhat contradictory. If we give because we expect to receive something in return, then giving can become nothing more than a transaction. Genuine giving, however, is different. It is not primarily asking, “What will I get back?” It is contributing what I have to someone who needs it.
In Korean culture, there is an old concept called pumasi (품앗이), the traditional practice of people helping one another with work. I help you today, and you help me when I need it. It is a beautiful picture of giving and receiving—not simply as a business transaction, but as a relationship of mutual help.
Recently, I began helping a professor at our university who wanted to pursue a Ph.D. Our school does not yet have its own doctoral program. Fortunately, he was accepted into a university in the United States, partly because I wrote a letter of recommendation for him.
Now a long three-year journey has begun.
It has not been easy. I have been helping him with his studies and even reviewing some of his assignments. Sometimes I think it is harder than when I pursued my own Ph.D. many years ago! But I told him that I would help him, and I intend to keep my promise.
At first, I could have asked myself, “What will I get from giving so much of my time?” But the more I help him, the more I realize that I am receiving something as well.
First, my English is improving.
I went to middle and high school in the countryside, and I attended a business high school where English was not emphasized very much. As a result, my English grammar has been weak for many years. I have tried to improve it for decades, and although I have made progress, the foundation was not strong.
Interestingly, helping him with his doctoral studies is helping me strengthen that foundation. I am reading academic English, examining sentences carefully, and thinking about grammar in ways I have not done for a long time.
While I am helping him with his education, I am also receiving an education myself.
Second, I am learning more about the academic and administrative systems of American universities.
When I pursued my own Ph.D., I was primarily concerned with my studies. I did not have the time or perspective to pay much attention to how American universities operated. This time is different. As I help someone else navigate the doctoral process, I am learning indirectly about academic systems, expectations, procedures, and ways of operating.
So I have discovered something interesting:
Sometimes, when we give, we receive something we did not even know we needed.
I am also grateful that, through this experience, I am becoming someone who is needed by another person. There is something deeply meaningful about knowing that what I have can fill a need in someone else.
He has something that I do not have, and I have something that he does not have.
He needs my experience, encouragement, guidance, and perhaps my knowledge of ministry and education. At the same time, he has abilities, energy, and potential that can contribute greatly to the future development of our university.
This is where giving and receiving become something much bigger than an exchange.
I give something to him, and he receives it. But eventually, what he receives may become something that he gives to others. He may contribute to our university, serve students, develop programs, and help build something that benefits many people.
Therefore, even if he never gives me anything directly in return, I may still receive something valuable through his contribution to the larger mission.
This reminds me of Adam Grant’s discussion of givers, takers, and matchers in social relationships. Some people primarily give, some primarily take, and others try to maintain a balance between giving and receiving. But healthy relationships are not necessarily built by keeping a precise record of who gave what.
They are built through mutual contribution.
I do not want to help this professor simply because I expect something from him later. I want to help because I said I would help. Keeping my promise is itself a form of giving.
But I have also learned something important:
Giving does not necessarily leave us empty.
Sometimes giving makes us richer.
It may make us richer in knowledge, relationships, experience, gratitude, influence, or purpose. Sometimes the return comes from an unexpected direction.
That is what I am experiencing now.
And this experience has caused me to ask myself another important question:
“How much have I really helped other people?”
I can certainly point to things I have done. Through Lay Pastors Ministry, I have had the privilege of helping many churches and training many people. I have also worked to establish and develop Melvin University. Looking back, I can see many opportunities in which I have given my time, experience, and energy to others.
But this experience has helped me recognize something else:
There are still many areas where I can give more.
Perhaps that is one of the most important lessons of giving and receiving.
We should not measure giving only by what comes back to us. Nor should we think that receiving is always selfish. Sometimes giving and receiving are two sides of the same relationship.
I give what I have.
You receive what you need.
You give what you have.
I receive what I need.
And together, something greater is created.
That may be the real beauty of give and take: not keeping accounts, but filling one another’s needs so that both can become more useful for a greater purpose.
In ministry, this principle is especially important.
God has never given all of us everything. Instead, He gives each person something that another person may need. My experience may become someone else’s foundation. Someone else’s energy may become the strength I need. One person’s knowledge may open a door for another person. One person’s encouragement may give another person the courage to continue.
When we understand this, giving is no longer simply losing something we possess.
Giving becomes investing what we have in another person’s future.
And perhaps that is why the greatest return from giving is not what comes back to me.
The greatest return is seeing what my giving makes possible in someone else.
When what I give becomes a blessing in another person’s life, my giving continues beyond me.
That is when giving becomes more than give and take.
It becomes give and multiply.