I think the title is a little strange, but I thought it was worth remembering, so I decided to leave it as it is.
In Korea, there is a saying: “My cousin buys land, and my stomach hurts.” It means that when someone close to us succeeds, we sometimes feel strangely uncomfortable or even jealous. Some people translate the expression directly into English, but I came across a more sophisticated version: “I envy, therefore I am,”echoing the famous Latin phrase Cogito, ergo sum—“I think, therefore I am.” In other words, I envy, therefore I exist.
Perhaps jealousy has been part of human nature for a very long time.
When I was young, even at school, children who ranked first or second in their class were sometimes disliked or envied by their classmates. It seems that human beings have always struggled to be happy when someone else is doing better than they are.
There is an example that makes this even more vivid. In the Philippines, there is an expression called “crab mentality.” When crabs are placed together in a container, one crab may try to climb out. But instead of helping it escape, the other crabs pull it back down. As a result, none of them gets out.
Whether or not every detail of the illustration is scientifically accurate, it is a powerful picture of one aspect of human behavior: “If I cannot rise, neither should you.”
Why, then, are we jealous when other people succeed?
Perhaps, in our minds, another person’s success feels like our own failure. When someone moves ahead of us, we may feel that we have fallen behind. Their success reminds us of what we have not achieved.
I remember hearing about a writer who continued to publish bestselling books. As his success grew, many of the friends who had once been close to him gradually disappeared. Even some relatives stopped contacting him as often as before.
He once asked his mother why this was happening. Her answer was simple but profound:
“You need to understand them. They see your success as their own failure.”
That may be one of the saddest things about jealousy. We do not simply see another person succeeding; we interpret their success as evidence that we are losing.
Bette Midler once expressed a similar thought when she said that one of the hardest things about success is finding someone who can genuinely enjoy it with you and be happy for you.
But must we always look at success and jealousy negatively?
Absolutely not.
The Bible teaches us to “rejoice with those who rejoice”and to “weep with those who weep.”There is a beautiful truth in that. Joy becomes greater when it is shared, while sorrow becomes lighter when it is shared.
Is it really so difficult to bless someone close to us when they are doing well?
Yes, there are people who have a “crab mentality.” But thankfully, there are also many people who encourage, support, and celebrate others. They are able to look at another person’s success and say, “I am happy for you.”
Let us think about something as simple as giving a compliment.
Researchers studying the human brain have found interesting connections between positive social interactions and our sense of well-being. When we sincerely praise someone, the experience can bring positive emotional benefits not only to the person receiving the compliment but also to the person giving it. Even those who witness a positive interaction can be affected by the atmosphere of encouragement.
In other words, compliments can create a ripple effect of happiness.
The person who gives the compliment is blessed.
The person who receives it is blessed.
Even the person who watches it may be blessed.
What a wonderful influence a few sincere words can have!
After all, perhaps we really do need to become people who praise, encourage, and celebrate others. The effect does not stop with two people. It can spread to families, churches, workplaces, and communities.
Jealousy pulls people down.
Encouragement lifts people up.
So, do you want more happiness? Do you want more peace? Do you want a greater sense of fulfillment in life?
Then perhaps the answer is surprisingly simple:
Rejoice in the success of others.
When someone rises, don’t pull them down.
Celebrate them. Bless them. Encourage them.
Their success does not have to be your failure.
Sometimes, another person’s success can become your joy, too.