There is bound to be conflict in every organization. Whether it is an individual, a group, a church, an NGO, or a parachurch organization, conflict is inevitable.
In fact, conflict can be an essential element of growth and success. Everything that is alive encounters some kind of tension or conflict. Therefore, the absence of conflict does not necessarily mean that everything is healthy. Sometimes it may mean that nothing is happening, nothing is changing, or nothing is growing.
Have you ever studied conflict resolution? I have not. Until now, most of what I have learned about conflict has come through experience. I have learned by facing conflicts, making mistakes, observing what happened, and trying to find better ways to respond.
However, I have come to believe that the purpose of learning is ultimately to establish a theory. Knowledge gained only through experience may be useful, but it often has limited persuasive power. More importantly, experience alone can remain incomplete. Without reflection and learning, we may resolve one conflict only to create another, leaving behind deeper wounds.
Everyone has experienced conflict. There are conflicts between friends, between parents and children, between colleagues, and within organizations and institutions. Unfortunately, many of these conflicts are never truly resolved. They are simply avoided, suppressed, or forgotten until another situation brings them back.
Does this mean that all conflict is bad? I do not think so.
There is destructive conflict, but there can also be constructive conflict. Some conflicts arise because people care deeply about something important. When handled properly, conflict can clarify values, expose problems, produce better decisions, and move an organization toward a healthier future. Therefore, I am not interested merely in eliminating conflict. I am more interested in understanding conflict and learning how to use it constructively.
For this reason, it is necessary to step back and look at conflict from a third-party perspective. When we are personally involved, our emotions easily distort our judgment. We tend to see our own position clearly and the other person’s position unfairly. A third-party perspective can help us examine the situation more objectively.
We see an interesting example in the first half of Acts 6. A conflict arose in the early church concerning the distribution of food to widows. The Greek-speaking believers felt that their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution. This was not merely a small administrative disagreement. It had the potential to divide the growing church.
The apostles did not simply dismiss the complaint, nor did they react defensively. They recognized the problem, gathered the community, clarified their priorities, and sought a solution. Seven men were chosen who were known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom.
The result was remarkable. The conflict became an opportunity to establish a better structure for ministry. The problem was not solved merely by telling people to stop arguing. It was solved by correctly identifying the problem, listening to the people involved, clarifying responsibilities, and finding an appropriate solution.
This is an important lesson for leaders.
Inexperienced leaders often overreact when conflict appears. They may become angry, defensive, controlling, or fearful. But such reactions rarely solve the problem. Instead, they can make the situation worse and discourage the people around them, especially those who are under their leadership.
A mature leader does not ask, “How can I stop this conflict?” but rather, “What is this conflict telling me?“
I recently came across some expert advice on conflict resolution in Resolving Conflict by Harold Scharlatt (2016). The approach suggests a ten-step process:
- Agree on the root cause of the conflict.
- Identify the major factors that influence its resolution.
- Understand the behavior and perspective of the other person or group.
- Examine the circumstances and relationships surrounding the conflict.
- Identify the objectives of the other person or group in resolving the conflict.
- Identify your own objectives for resolving the conflict.
- Determine how you should act as you approach the conflict.
- Identify how you want the other person or group to act.
- Determine the appropriate approach based on the decisions made in the previous steps.
- Encourage everyone involved to move in that direction.
What I find especially meaningful about this approach is that it does not begin with action. It begins with understanding.
Before we act, we need to understand the root cause. Before we judge the other person, we need to understand their behavior and objectives. Before we demand a solution, we need to clarify our own goals.
Perhaps this is one of the most important principles of leadership:
Do not react to conflict too quickly. Understand it first.
Conflict itself is not necessarily the enemy. Sometimes conflict is a signal that something needs attention. Sometimes it reveals a weakness in the structure. Sometimes it exposes an unmet need. Sometimes it brings hidden problems into the open.
And sometimes, if handled wisely, conflict becomes the very instrument through which an organization becomes stronger.
The goal, therefore, is not simply to have less conflict, but to become better at handling conflict.
A healthy organization is not an organization without conflict. It is an organization where people can face conflict honestly, listen to one another, seek wisdom, and turn disagreement into an opportunity for growth.
Conflict may be inevitable. How we respond to it is a choice.